Life brings about so many amazing opportunities and challenges. What we focus on is what is created more of. Often times we run from the fear and worries but, in reality if we just face the storm that is in those times we could move forward. I have been really working on this lately and it has helped me tremendously with the work I am wanting to create for myself and my clients. Fear is just an emotion that some of us have been taught to run away from instead of facing it. It's an uneasy feeling inside that sometimes we have felt before but have not allowed ourselves to overcome it and it all of sudden has take over our life. I have been learning so much about the human design and how it works. It fascinates me and how I am made up. My investigator self of my human design loves to study people to then help them with their issues and problems. But what I have realized through this journey that I am always doing the work first and then showing the way to others. I have understood more about my fears and worries. They live with me subconsciously and unconsciously but, now I get to identify them and use them in a productive way. Fear has held me hostage for so long in my life but not any more because now I know how I am made up based on my chart. Sitting and giving my fears a voice has helped me tremendously these last few months. Often times we think they will just go away but they do not they just begin to pile up and create more within ourselves. Sometimes it is the conditioning of these patterns that does not allow oneself to get out of the rabbit hole we have been living in. I have been allowing more abundant moments of bliss and joy into my life. Asking my higher self what that version of myself look like, act like, and starting to create that on a daily basis even when the fears kick in. I am focusing on both now the fears and the version of myself that I am stepping into. That version of me allow myself to feel through emotions and through the pains in order to meet the challenges ahead of me. See challenges are just like a game we play just simply waiting, addressing, and having the patience to see all sides of things. If we play in life like a game we will be able to have fun, enjoy, take the challenges like a grain of salt. The more we allow and feel, the more we get to move through whatever that it is that's been holding us back. I will no longer hold myself back anymore not for me nor for anyone else. I have been held back and controlled my whole entire life. It's like a bird in a cage when the door is open, you do not know how to run out of there because you have been sitting there for so long wishing and hoping it would just open. That is what we do to ourselves all the time compare and hope our life will be like another person's life. For a very long time I compared myself to other healers, other mediums, other successful people, only to keep wishing and hoping to be like them. What I had to realize within in me is that I was compared my whole life with others around me that I started to believe I needed to be like them. What I have discovered I will never be like them only like the version of myself I allow to be. The person I was born to be and I am discovering her. She is finally here!!! I am here and I am loving myself internal to external. I have been doing the work on myself because I realized there is no magic pill, no quick fix, no one coming to rescue me out of this. Only me on that other side of the work and I had to show myself I was important enough to do that work for myself. I had to put myself as a priority and rise up from the rabbit hole I was in. It has taken so much dedication to give myself that honor, worthiness, and commitment. It has been worth every single step of the way because I have discovered part of me that were in there. The parts that I was not allowing to be seen or heard. I have been hiding the truth of how I have been feeling so I did not hurt others by telling my truth and my story. That Erica has died and is no longer inside of me. I am alive, relived in a whole new way, and no longer care what others think as I begin to tell my version of the stories and what I have been through. I am ready to use my voice on this journey and no will stop me anymore because I will not allow it. My whole life has been lies and deceit growing up. I had to learn this as I opened up my eyes to the truths and discoveries. I was taught to lie and deceit others because the truth would hurt too much. My parents fought all the time about everything from money to looking at themselves and each other. We had to hold their lies from each other and were taught to deceit each parent even when it felt awful to do. As a child we had no voice, we had to do as told and that was the only option of their would be consequences. I did not realized how much fear this had caused me growing up. I was fearful of everything and everyone. I suffered from anxiety and depression for much of my childhood. I used to bite my figure nails until they would bleed. I never knew why I had so much anxiety growing up until I began to dig for the answers inside of me. I never seen how much fear I had in my body because of the trauma and chaos I lived everyday as a child. How much body was programmed to live this way on flight or fight every single day. I had no idea until I started this journey 6 years ago when my uncle passed away in a work accident. My life was shattered in so many ways that there was no going back and putting pieces together was the only option moving forward. Through these past 6 years of discovery I now have all the answers that I had been searching for so long but did not quite understand anything at the time. The glass had to shatter my life apart because had it not I would still be living in the misery I was living in. What we do not realize until we take ourselves out of it. That is when you get to realize the life you had been living your whole life when it is no longer there until then it's just a mystery. I was able to discovery many mysteries of my life and growing up. All the dysfunction and pain I had been living. The fears grew more and more everyday living in Wisconsin. Year after year I would tell my ancestors please if this is life just take me I do not want to live this anymore. Until one day I decided I had enough and that day is when I broke away from my fears in a big way. Writing this right now is bringing up all of the old fears but they do not paralyze me anymore like they used to, They have brought me strength in times I am at my knees begging the Universe for another way of living. I have finally broken those chains that were once held onto my legs. I shattered every piece of them today the dysfunction that held my life for so many years is finally gone. I had to cut things and people out of my life to get to the place I am today. I do not regret any part of it because I have liberated myself from all of it. The fear of letting it all go no longer effects me the same that it did 6 years ago. My heart is finally full of my own emotions and my own joy. I get to create the life I dream of moving forward. I get to create my memories and emotions now. No one else has control on how I get to become. Only I get to decide these things moving forward. I share my stories because sometimes we do not even realize we are hostage in our own misery we are living because we see no difference. I am here to tell you there is an escape out of the misery of fears of trying something new. There is more ways then you can imagine out of your own fears. Fear is just a form of curiosity that is waiting for you to explore it in a new way than what you are used to. Today allow yourself to break away from anything that holds you hostage. Break those things from yourself by doing your work and showing up for yourself. Asking the Universe to show you the way and ask to be guided to find that light in your life. Find what it is that your soul needs and wants from you. Let yourself be free of worries and fears. Stepping into the best version of you! Visualize him or her in this moment as ask what it is that needs to be done to get one step closer to that space. I have found my wings! Will you find yours? Yours truly, Erica! Thanks for reading
